I had found out that I got ADHD at age 28 and at the end of my Internship Programmed during my schooling days for 21 weeks at a local company. Not intend to mention it because I am embarrassed myself too and I disliked being in that company back again as I got many bad memories there because I found myself in hot soup and creating a lot of trouble for that company. I don't intentionally mean it but it already had happened which I had a problem communicating with the colleagues and friends there. Some were understanding but not all.At point of time I still did not knew that I got ADHD.

During the journey of my Internship, the working environment too then affects my ADHD symptoms. And the people around me that I had worked with effects me too. 

My tasks daily involved carrying a heavy item up to 5kg and due to my hand injuries due to taekwondo my nerve kept on shivering and I am not able to perform the task well. Also, my focus and I did a lot of mistakes and damaged the item which I felt very bad and Doing my best was the only way to survived this internship.
 

 

Along the way I had picked up a few symptoms during my journey in SIP - student internship programmed.

Such as Constantly making the  same mistake over again .
Boredom Blur out half way and spoiling the item etc laser tooling , and colleagues giving instruction 

I can't believed in first sight that I got ADHD until then I compared Mindmap chart with then my ADHD friends who had the similarity experienced.

I was supposed to finish my internship for 23 weeks but I requested to be dismissed early 21 weeks due to my medical condition and I could not move on as this internship is quite emotionally down to me and I felt that I had underperformed when about coming to the end but I felt sadded that I din complete it  as it was so close to 23 weeks like my friends the rest able to complete it like no kick. As my ADHD symptom got worsened.

Thankfully was told that it was 20 weeks and my teacher allow dismiss me early. 

Due to this incident that found out that I had ADHD, I am currently facing some issues in future workplace issues such as socializing and communication because I found out that a lot of people tend to dislike the way and how I socialize with people etc with sexual topics that make them felt like they are judging me and found that I am rude in the way and making them uncomfortable.

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But sadly that me and this is how I behaved. Sexual topics that make me actually feel good I don't know why, as for me. To them, it is sexual harassment. But to me, I am making fun out of it that makes it disgusting to them. Sometimes I do feel afraid of making friends because of my communication of these topics as well.It had for me to changed actually. 

I am also afraid of being tasked given and not being able to perform but underperformed if I were to get hired from a different company which I am afraid of because new people do not know bout me how the way I work.
 

Making trouble is the easiest for people with ADHD weakness

to the company and making friends hard to socialize for once again which I am afraid the most and underperformed.

And also declaring ADHD at the workplace was the worse experience because what if colleagues found out that you got ADHD etc because symptoms are very obvious and can be spotted easily.
But non the less - whether you had ADHD you still need to look for a job that suits you as well as the environment, I am being honest for declaring my illness For ADHD but it is just that whether the company accepts me while I got ADHD.

 

I got very discouraged at times as well, well looking for a job because of the medical condition declaration form for being honest because I want to let them know bout my condition in learning things processing slowly and focusing and it took time for me the pick up new skillset along the way and also the hand issues that I am not able to carry heavy items.

It is not that I did not want to find new job , it was because I felt that I am wasting time because of my medical condition because the company does not accept me for being who I am. I am upset just like friends who do not accept being who you are.
 
 

Distracted easily in class and Singing songs that annoyed people as well  - and not prioritize lose and plans 

Not able to sit still and fidgeting and packing bag very kan Chiong ly during my poly years.

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Addictive using whatsapps -  easy to fought and socialising with friends and misunderstanding etc sexual topics etc... I hope my therapy works for me. 1 msg will turn into hates emotions , x 1 = spamming one by one people get annoyed by chatting to me.  
 

Frequent did mistakes etc  until you get fuck by someone etc ...

During my poly years I am able to hand up tasked on time if you are generally focus and had interested in that module  Only the first semester were tedious for me as I am not used to the pace and schedule until when I repeat I able to fully focus and plan properly.  Only the internship period were the one that I am last minute hand up because I had missed the date line .

Mess Up - Packing bags very slow  before lesson ends kan chiong rushing.

Blur Out halfway  during  practical lab and Need 1 on 1 tuition and  teacher guide me through 1 on 1 end of the classes. Forget full very 
 

Tired out easily and lazy. 

 

Learned things very slow compared to the rest.

During the schooling days I also did not knew that these were also part of the symptom , so I used also to video record teacher going through assignment so that I can follow through. It work wells for me. 

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Another that triggered me was my hand issues as well as I got injuries SHIVERING hand  from past taekwondo competition ,that had made me underperform to expectation like the rest such as hands on  lab test and during internship.Emotional breakdown that I cant performed well and afraid of future job performance. 
 

 ADHD also needs strong parental support but my dad is not also very supportive towards me as I am not in a very close relationship with him and I tend to have inferiority of comparing another parent Dad and as well as my Dad. And living with a Single parent also tends to have jealously towards other families like keeping in thought that  I am also trying my best not to compare another parent as well as mine.

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Because we live in different places although there are many older men friends that are married .

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I knew who had parental roles experienced before at most they only can give me advice but at the end of the day, they are not my Dad. :(

I also wished that I got parental support always a dad that can support me by my side. So that my emotions won't be going up and down.
 

My emotion currently are going up and down because I did not have strong parental guidance that led me down in my maturity fatherhood setting. Growing up independently and being mature is a very hard process without strong parental support.

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Well, I go to a medical appointment at a Polyclinic treat meant the doctor can immediately tell that I got ADHD which I am very shocked by the way I talk.
And hence the waiting time can be very long for the government about 3-month long wait as there are also other patients on the waiting list.
 

I am waiting for my ongoing treatment on NOV 29 and I hope everything is working well. Right now that I am facing was that after getting a diagnosis at the age of 28 years.
 

Hopes to enjoy what I can before getting being diagnosed but seems like there noting to be enjoying to me currently because I had less social friends. 

I hope that everything would be all right. Having found too that I had ADHD I was rather upset ,anger, disappointment,discouraged because I am one of them that likes to look down on other disabled kids in the past but Ended up being part of one of them. Kinda felt like karma for god plans to retribution in revenge that the past sin that I had done towards the disability,So the rest who did not know what Karma please research :D


To family and friends who are reading this blog who I am truly Sorry that I had offended you in some way which I don't actually mean to. 

Because this is how we tend to behave and at times we do not know what we were doing.

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I also would like to thank you to those who tried to stayed and left me  with me and support me and my journey along the way with me through my difficult period although I had fewer social friends. 

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For those who left me Hope you understood where I am coming from , and I am pained of  losing you as well. 

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I know I am not alone because of recent news that a lot of such news on regards on ADHD situation especially  CNA. 

 

I knew that it not finding excuses for ADHD for finding job but it is for what it is, and this is me no choice it because of the fear that led me to move forward that the reason why I am procrastinating and gave many selves thought because of not being able to perform and by working smart enough using our brains. And the past experience in internship led me to fear in finding job in near future. 
 

I am intending to meet those people before I get a diagnosis and who is really important to me that support me along the way especially school counselors, mentors, past teachers,  a few friends who knew me and family, colleagues , who guided me along the way who had very strong support for me.  And inspired me and encouraged me. To accept for who I am for once I get diagnosis :(

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Especially Mr Tan Kay Yew school counselor and the rest you know whom you are.